my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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