i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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