sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
