I think i peed on brittanys purse
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
