So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
