he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
