i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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