you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
handjob tips. give me some.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
