Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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