Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
