mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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