Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
