sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
