ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
