dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
