dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
