The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
