Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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