I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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