i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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