so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
