what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
