found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry my hands just texted you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
