How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
