I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
