Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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