Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
