just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
