please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
