So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
