porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
