the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
