Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
