Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
