she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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