Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
