When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
