That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
