we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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