how can u be prego again
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
