Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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