ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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