My room smells like vodka and shame
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
