apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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