South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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