I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
