It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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