guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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