dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
