Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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