You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
