We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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