Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
