You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
