In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
