i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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